3 quick movie reviews

April 3rd, 2009 - 8:42am by Slye Fox
Tags: dvd movie review

Having nothing much to do but watch a couple of movies last night was nice. Makes for a relaxing evening with Sid cuddled in the hammock. I had a bunch of new DVD's I'd wanted to watch and Transsiberian was at the top of that list.

Sid and I watched it straight through. The first half of the movie was slow paced as the film developed the characters. Emily Mortimer was excellent as an ex-wild-one now turned good girl, and Eduardo Noriega did well to play the roguish world traveler doing his best to seduce her. I'm not really a Woody Harrelson fan, but he acted the part of the ignorant farm boy obsessed with trains just fine. After discovering the hidden agenda of our newly formed characters, the movie takes on a decidedly tense thriller aspect and kept me on the edge of my seat until the climax. Truly a wonderful movie that's just as good as any Hitchcock movie I've seen.

Then we tried Ninja Cheerleaders. I was actually looking forward to this film, having anticipated it's release. I thought to myself that I've added another fun bad movie in the vein of Teenage Cat Girls in Heat. But Oh - my - god!!! This may just claim the title of worst movie in my collection. This was even worse than Final Examination, (which had nothing to do with exams and everything to do with softcore porn scenes one after another). I've seen better scripting (and acting) in an episode of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Seriously. The director is so needy of filler that 20 second dialogue scenes are spaced out with 3 minutes song montages. Even the promise of boobs can't help this sorry film as apparently the three girls are strippers as well as ninjas. [rolls eyes] After enduring about 20 minutes of waiting for the girls to take their shirts off, I could take no more and decided to try another mindless film. So onward...

It's hard to imagine a worse movie than the previous, but lo and behold, Twin Daggers comes close to filling those shoes nicely. One of a few Red Box DVD's burned thanks to Ann, I otherwise would have never known about this movie and would have remained blissfully ignorant.

Here we have a typical martial arts plot, but the scripting is so awful, it's very difficult to discern what the hell is going on as each setup scene jumps from one to the other. No matter though, because even if you have no idea what's going on -- it's hardly integral to the "plot". There's the smart guy, the tough chick, the hip black guy, and a fucking mime. Really?! A mime? Anyway, they're all ninjas hired to assassinate a twin or something and we're left to watch the painful fight sequences. The CGI spoof, Kung Pow, did a better job with choreography. Or maybe it's more that the actors just can't pull off a fight scene to save their lives.

By this point I was getting sleepy and was too lazy to even turn it off, so Sid and I suffered through about 80% of the movie drifting in and out of sleep. I really don't feel a need to put it back in the player to see what I missed. I'm confident that it's not much.

April 3, 2009 - 10:32am
lonely_doll says:

I wonder if you and Sid would enjoy Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter. Jesus has a really strong Canadian accent, and his sidekick is a Mexican wrestler!

April 3, 2009 - 10:35am
Slye Fox says:

Ha! That actually looks entertaining, I may just have to give it a shot. :)

April 3, 2009 - 4:14pm
minnesotatoast says:

omg the snuggle pictures of sid are so cute. :)

Makes me want a smooshy of my own.