Shaving the cat's butt.

October 16th, 2007 - 11:07am by Slye Fox

Our cat Jewely, (who's a ninja when we're not home), has giant fur-lumps on her back that are slowly taking over her entire body. It's like petting a berber carpet. We joke and muse that she's probably Jamaican and is just sporting her rasta heritage. No wonder she's so laid back.

Well enoughs enough. Those lumps have gotta go. We tried this once back in February. (See the evidence.) I held the cat down while Jen wielded the razor and had at it. This lasted for about a half an hour before Jen's and my hands looked like we'd stuck them in a thrashing machine. Sid was going berserk trying to free Jewely from the horrors happening in the kitchen and Mira was confused about whether we were helping or hurting the cat. We wisely gave up and decided that we should bring Jewely to the pet groomers. And now many months have gone by.

So what did I do on Sunday? Shaved the cat! Seems like a good way to kill time. I was bored and called all the pet groomers I could google. None were open. So I loaded fresh batteries in my trusty Wahl beard trimmer and had a go. After locking Jewely in the kitchen with me and tying Sid around the corner so he couldn't witness the torture, I grabbed the cat and dug in with the trimmer. Success! We should've tried this back in February.

From her neck to her knees, Jewely now feels the breeze.

The trimmer cut through cat fur like butter on a hot day. (Well, maybe not that good, but it was pretty efficient.) After an hour of holding down the squirming cat and letting the fur fly, I'd gotten the biggest lumps off and Jewely was starting to look like the bear in "The Great Outdoors." (If you recall the John Candy movie, the bear gets shot in the ass and then has a bald butt.)

After this, she resigned herself to a complacent state and I was able to finish rather quickly. From her neck to her knees, Jewely now feels the breeze. And she's smooth again. No more lumps. The amount of trapped dander that had collected under there was immense. Poor cat. No more itchies either, I'm sure. But with all that flakey skin, we have to deal with part two. The Bath.

We all know that most cats detest getting wet and Jewely is no exception. I don't think she understood what the bathtub was for, but she picked up on the scheme immediately as I lowered her into it. One hand to hold the cat in and the other to operate the shampoo, faucet, and water cup. Talk about bathroom acrobatics. A constant growling meorwrwrwrww emanated from the bathroom and alerted the neighbors that we must be torturing the cat in cruel and unusual ways. After it was over, I suffered only one puncture wound from Jewely's adrenaline-driven cat jaw which bled just a little bit.

Now Jewely is now sporting her new look. Maybe she'll start a kitty fashion trend. Take a peek at her radical styling in the new photo album. And see what Sid was up to the day before. Saturday is Dog Day at work and everyone brings their pooches with them. It's heaven on earth for Sid. He's always the chasee and thwarts his larger pursuers by darting underneath the lunchroom chairs and tables. By the time we head home, he hardly has energy to chew on his bone anymore. Straight off to a nap for Sid.

October 16, 2007 - 4:12pm
Erica says:

Poor Kitty! :( We have to give our kitty a bath once a month... She fears the bathroom and the laundry room.

October 16, 2007 - 7:20pm
Karebear says:

Hehe - I haven’t been brave enough to try bathing my cat who is a Maine Coon. I just hack out the hair mats and brush her like crazy. You are a brave, brave soul.

October 16, 2007 - 7:46pm
Anne says:

Gremlin, the cat with fur 1 inch long at max, managed to get fur clots on his rump too. What the…? Granted, I was gone for 3 weekends in a row, but still, this hardly seems like a revenge that would suit the dual purpose of horrifying me and gratifying him - aren’t butt lumps uncomfortable when you’re leaning back on the futon, smoking stogies and chortling about how you’ve confounded your human yet again? I tried using cuticle clippers to cut the mats, which was effective but elicited crazy amounts of biting and arm disembowling, as well as eventual confiscation of the clippers (clippers were later found stashed under the radiator). Lacking clippers but still facing mats, I opted for just pulling the mats out, which resulted in an identical reaction as that given to Operation:Clippers, but without the confiscation and caching of my hand.
Jewely looks way cool. I say, shave on, my friend, shave on… Of course, Sid is adorable even without fur removal. He’s got that “naturally shaved” look, that fashionisto…

October 18, 2007 - 10:52pm
Jen says:

I can't help but think of the Black Eyed Peas song!

"Tryin' a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin' at my lump, lump.
You can look but you can't touch it,
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,
You don't want no drama,

I'm just tryn'a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
In the back and in the front (lumps)"

Jewely doesn't bare a strong resemblance to Fergie, but I'm sure the feeling is the same when she talks about not touching her lumps! :)

February 9, 2009 - 3:46pm
Steve says:

LOL, hillarious! I had the same problem with bathing my cat, until I watched this video. Now, I still have a problem, but at least I can laugh about it. How to Wash a Cat

March 30, 2009 - 5:16pm
Frank Brown says:

This is similar to my recent experience with trimming my cat Milky's fur. No matter what, they hate the shaver/bath. Does anyone know of any tips groomers use for dealing with cats?

January 15, 2010 - 4:45am
Radiators says:

Have you tried hair removal cream!