Ne Nuts Pas

March 6th, 2007 - 11:23am by Slye Fox

Now that Sid has become fully house trained, he has a new habit. Marking his territory. The little shit has begun spraying various corners of the house. And he's quick about it too. By the time you catch the pause with lifted leg, he's already done and happily trotting to the next location on his route. Particularly popular spots are the fireplace hearth corner by the patio door and the lowest step on the staircase.

And here we thought he'd completed the "Basic Life and Survival Skills for Living with Humans" course from Canine University. After all, he has the scratch the door to be let out routine down to a pat. Nevermind he does it every fifteen fricken minutes. Every ten minutes when there's something good on TV. Talk about a walnut bladder. Me thinks the marking of outside territory is the real motivation here. The incredible number of yellow snow stains evidence this.

So -- since it's time for new shots anyway, Sid is going to the vet. It'll be like one of those ugly duckling makeover shows. The nuts come off, he gets updated vaccinations, they'll probably brush his teeth (nearly all adult teeth now), and since he's a brachiocephalic dog, he'll get a nose job. More specifically, the vet says he's much noisier than a typical pug (oh really - hadn't noticed the snorting and snoring akin to a pot-bellied pig at all.) In order to help this and prevent future problems, they'll make a stitch up in his nose to open the airways a bit and make it easier for him to breathe. Maybe it'll help his sleep apnea as well.

And if spraying his territory isn't a good enough reason for making Sid a eunuch, then his newly found delight in humping legs should push you over the brink. We caught him humping Mira's leg on the couch the other night. "Bad dog", he was scolded, "No Sid, no!" But every time he looks at you, he's got that damn "I'm so pitiful and sad" look to his pug-face, you can't help feel sorry for him. So off the couch anyway -- and don't piss on the rug!

Actually, I do feel a little bad for the little fella. I wouldn't want my boys cut off. Sid's already fat enough and we don't need him growing the equivalent of manboobs due to lack of testosterone. (Although he would look pretty funny in a little pug-bra.) In order to ease his journey from masculinity, maybe they can install implants of some sort. You know -- like they can use titanium and plastic to make your chin bigger. He could be the envy of all his peers at the dog park strutting around with two golfball-sized steel balls swinging back and forth. I'll ask the vet.

His appointment is Friday and he'll stay overnight. He has no idea what's in store for him this weekend, but if I were in his shoes, I guess I'd prefer to be blissfully ignorant as well.

March 6, 2007 - 11:20pm
Jen says:

"Clink-clink...clink-clink!" As if Sid doesn't chase his tail enough, imagine him trying to figure out where all that clinking is coming from...steel balls!