Bald Britney Bares Bushlessness

February 19th, 2007 - 5:10pm by Slye Fox

Apparently Britney has decided that Jessica is garnering too much attention by offing herself with pills and methodone. Time to take back the spotlight by shaving her head. Clearly the news of the Fuchs-brothers' new look has hit Hollywood and she's trying to fit in.

And since we've all unfortunately got the image of her bald cooter* etched into our brains already, not wearing undies whilst out bopping with strippers won't cut it anymore. My god - it's hard to say who's topping the skank list: Britney, Paris or Lindsey. With the onslaught of crotch shots, coke lines and debauchery galore, celeb rags are even starting to get sick to their stomachs. Well maybe not, but they're certainly not lack for gossip stories.

* Click at your own risk - don't say I didn't warn you!

And what the hell is wrong with CNN that they're still stuck on the whole Simpson mess? I mean, damn - enlisting your boobies in the god-awful Dukes of Hazzard** does not make you a worthwhile celebrity anymore than Ron Jeremy's attempt at re-fame with reality cable TV. Why are we still hearing about death theories. Who cares? Did Princess Di get this much attention? Let the silly blonde rest in peace and let's get on with life.

** What the hell was Willy thinking by signing up for this? Did he see this as a large pot-legalization-scheme?

February 19, 2007 - 8:45pm
Jen says:

Did Jessica Simpson kill herself too? You might have the first lead--should call CNN asap. I thought it was Anna Nicole Smith that took the pills and methadone route? Are you mixing up your busty blondes, Ryan? LOL

February 19, 2007 - 8:53pm
Slye Fox says:

Touché. Jessica, Anna, Pamela, etc... same difference. Just goes to show you how relevant they are to me. Aren't they all Baywatch babes too or something? Blonde boobs with no brains given a chance by Mr. Hefner and kept alive by sleeping their way to the top.

February 21, 2007 - 10:30pm
Raven says:

See, Britney is a perfect example of why I will not willingly shave my head. I know that I have a weird lumpy head, and that my face is not cute enough to do all the work. Poor Brit had to find that out the hard way.
On the other hand, if I lost my hair, I would probably get a wild tattoo like a dragon or a snake to distract from the blinding whiteness of my skin.
(you, Ryan have a lovely head, BTW. It's not all lumpy or oddly shaped. The shaving works out for you nicely)