Revenge of the Killer Rays
After yesterday's clear intent of the ocean's rays to declare war, it's clear we need some sort of counter measure. Ray Repellent now sold in various stores is the answer. Don't find yourself without protection as you wander into stingray territory. Those damn things'll fly right up out of the water at you with their stingers aimed at your heart. They don't fuck around.
And you shouldn't either. Show those rays who's in charge by slathering yourself with the all new Ray Repellent salve. You'll fill the surrounding water with zillions of ray-repellent pheromones that'll drive those crazy rays back to the depths. The effects last for hours.
So don't let those mofos pull a Steve Irwin manuever on you. Go out today and buy your tin of Ray Repellent before you find yourself saying, "I'm so sick of these mother#%$@ing rays flying out of the mother#%$@ing ocean!"