Frustrated Mom

June 10th, 2005 - 8:53pm by Mom
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I meant to add this entry yesterday, however it was such an overwhelming day that I was too physically and mentally exhausted after I got home from work.

Expecting to have to go to Abbott in the afternoon to start the radiation treatments, I crammed as much into the morning at work that was humanly possible. And wouldn't you know it; those are always the days when everything you planned to do doesn't get done because all --- breaks loose as soon as the phone lines switch over at 8 am. I did accomplish a lot from 6:30 am (when I always get to the office) until 8 am. When you're dealing with over 150 nurses and all of the clients that they serve, plus all of the physician's, social workers, insurance case managers, etc, that each case involves, it is often a juggling match to prioritize what needs to be done NOW, and what needs to be done, but can wait 5 minutes! This is not even taking into consideration the mountains of paperwork that all of the above entails, thanks to our thoughtful state and federal governments.

But the real reason I was so drained last night wasn't related to my day at work (that is how most of my days at work are), but rather because of Kevin.

Kevin had his labs drawn again per CentraCare short stay yesterday morning. Instead of the ANC going up as we were hoping and expecting, it went down form 720 on Wed to 540 yesterday! So obviously they couldn't start the radiation treatments on Thurs or today. This also meant the chance of him being able to go to the Montana camp was virtually non-existent. It may take awhile for the ANC to be 1000. When it does, the radiation will commence, but the 14 treatments wouldn't be finished by 6-29. To hope that the counts will stay below 1000 until after 7-6 when Kevin would be coming home is also unrealistic. The stubborn buggers will decide to come up sometime between now and then.

For the first time since this all began, I really felt down after I got home from work yesterday. I wanted Kevin to be able to go to this camp so much. He has been through hell and so much needed this. There is another girl and guy from Mpls Children's hospital going. They are all the same age, and the three of them would be traveling down together. I felt so frustrated and angry that I couldn't make this happen for Kevin. I wanted him to have this bright spot to look forward to and to just be able to forget the past 5 months and have a great time among teens his age. His port would still have been in place, and he would most likely be fatigued from the radiation, but he still would have been able to enjoy himself. I felt like a failure as a mom because I couldn't do this for him! But some good inspiring words from my sister, Jo, put me back on the right track. Kevin will eventually get to go to this camp, If not now, they will send him to the winter one for snowboarding (which he loves), or next summer. And maybe he wouldn't have physically felt well enough to even enjoy himself now with having the last treatment the day before he would have flown out.

Kevin is scheduled to have labs drawn again on Monday morning. He does have radiology apt at Abbott in the afternoon, but that will depend what the ANC is in the morning. We'll just have to wait and see. He is actually starting to feel pretty good now. He still has diminished wrist flexibility and finger dexterity in his Rt. Hand, and trouble with itchy irritated eyes, but all of this is a result of the cumulative toxic effects of the chemo, and will go away in time. He left for Ryan's place this morning to do some brotherly bonding. Then on Sunday, the whole extended family will be gathering to visit and eat! We haven't been together since Christmas, and we always have such a wonderful time. So, life is good after all!!

June 11, 2005 - 9:19am
John says:

If I were Kevin, I would be the luckiest boy on the planet to have such a MOM like you...Don't get down just get even with this little bugger thats got Kevin by his belt right now...TaKe Care and BIG HUGGS!!!