Beer Troubleshooting

January 19th, 2005 - 10:56am by Slye Fox

Found this helpful troubleshooting sheet on the net and figured it might be useful to some of you. So read on and feel free to print out a copy to stick in your pocket the next time you go out to ensure proper beer etiquette and conduct.

Beer Troubleshooting

Symptom Fault Action
Feet cold and wet. Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Feet warm and wet. Improper bladder control. Stand next to nearest dog and complain about house training.
Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Glass empty. Get someone to buy you another beer.
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. You have fallen over backward. Have yourself leashed to the bar.
Mouth full of cigarette butts. You have fallen forward. See above.
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
Floor moving. You are being carried out. Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
Room seems unusually dark. Bar has closed. Confirm home address with bartender.
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. Cover mouth.
Everyone looks up at you and smiles. You are dancing on the table. Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
Beer is crystal clear. It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. Punch him.
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. You have been in a fight. Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. You've wandered into the wrong party. See if they have free beer.
Your singing sounds distorted. The beer is too weak. Have more until you voice improves.
Don't remember the words to the song. Beer is just right. Play air guitar.

January 27, 2005 - 11:07am
sxymngirl69 says:

Great...I love it!! It made me laugh pretty hard...